how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
