Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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