um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
