Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
