and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
