im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
