I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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