Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
