is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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