Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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