Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
