If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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