I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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