is your mom at the bar?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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