If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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