Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk is not a location!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
