You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
