She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
