its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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