She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
