how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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