God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
