She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
