people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
