Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
