Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
