I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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