South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
