And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
soo... how was my night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
