glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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