So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
