so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
