Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
