I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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