i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize