You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
