Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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