I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
