seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dear god my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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