I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
