I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
