You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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