I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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