Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
