I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the condom got lost in my hair
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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