I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
