can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
