So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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