Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
