please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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